amoying:

vagisodium:

girlqueer:

seifukucat:

fuzzwizard:

breakcorechoirboy:

Is this real life?

i’m gonna fucking die

so are most of the people that are gonna eat this

that’s not kosher at all

89 cents what the fuck

…fuckin mcmuffins cost $2.99 here im pissed

alltheangst:

jackbassam:

When I have the sex talk with my kids I’m just going to tell them to follow the basic rule

“If your age is on the clock, you’re too young for the cock”

yeah, and when my kid turns thirteen imma go,

“Sit back down, I was talking about military time.”

feistie:

megvsshark:

trishhyy:

when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet.

ITGOTBETTER

sweetdez:

detrea:

fuckyeahhugsandkisses:

a-little-insane:

the best part about being the little spoon while cuddling is being able to rub your butt against the person’s junk

The best part about being the big spoon while cuddling is getting to rub your junk against the person’s butt

The best part about the big spoon is that it lets me get bigger portions of ice cream as I cry alone in my room.

Three types of people

epic-humor:

alexiorsay:

I came downstairs and thought my dog’s leg had fallen off or something

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psychoticpingouins:

48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.

epic-humor:

clearbay: I LOVE ORDERING THINGS FROM ONLINE ITS LIKE SOMEONE SENT YOU A PRESENT BUT YOU SENT YOURSELF THAT PRESENT 

｡･ﾟ･ﾟʕﾟ>ᴥ<ʔ･ﾟ･｡

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epic-humor:

clearbay: I LOVE ORDERING THINGS FROM ONLINE ITS LIKE SOMEONE SENT YOU A PRESENT BUT YOU SENT YOURSELF THAT PRESENT 

｡･ﾟ･ﾟʕﾟ>ᴥ<ʔ･ﾟ･｡

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florenceandthepoutines:

I could go for a nice make-out session up against a wall right about now.

epic-humor:

dave-vriska:

jacklullaby:

jacklullaby:

unfollower:

men should take advantage of the lack of dress code rules set for guys and wear mini skirts and tank tops to school every day

OH MY GOD  LAST YEAR THE DUDES ON MY CLASS HAVE DONE IT

AND THEY GOT ALL CALLED IN THE PRINCIPAL’S ROOM

BUT THEY DIDNT GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE

THEY SAID EXACTLY IT “BUT THOSE RULES ARE ONLY FOR GIRLS”

I’M NOT EVEN JOKING

heroes

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